High school crush 🤦‍♂️

...Three years has past since I enter the high school, and i still go on with my personality which has become part of me. Day by day more stupid stuff i done at my school. The teacher dont mind me since they know i will get a good grade, they just let me sleep in classes. That made me feel special in some way. There are some teachers that didn't like me thou, saying that just because I'm a genius doesnt mean i can do whatever i want. Thats true though but hey, i am just a high school boy that time, i do what ever i want. My friends however, we break apart. Most of them change to another school while the other is kicked to another class for bad result. In the end i was the only one left in my class due to my good grade. I fell lonely though, im not gonna lie. There is no one else who will do crazy things with me. All what left was the nerdy guys in the class. Its not that i dont talk to them but i dont know how to interact with these people anymore. The former me might have.

And then there was a girl in my class, who always talk to me with a soft voice. She is a kind girl who cares too much about other, who cry if she saw someone else is hurt, who cry for something so small. I don't know much about love back then, but i do feel like i fall for her. The other guys in the school saw her as a hot girl, who has a nice figure and that kind of things, well you know how high school boys are. But in my eyes, its a different things. At the morning whenever i stand outside of the class staring blankly into the space she will always come and greet me. And before i realize it, i talk too much to her. It feels comfort to talk to her. So there i was every morning, always stand at outside of the class, wishing that she will come greet me.

Then we become close and start texting. She always text me to ask about study and then the text move on to something nonsense. But i feel happy, you know when you text someone and you just hold your phone waiting for the next message to arrive just because you eager to text with someone. And then my birthday come up and usually I didnt care much about my birthday, but it feel different when she wish for my birthday. She ask me what did i get, and i just said nothing i just go a free unlimited call but there is nobody to call. And she said call her and i did. I spent 10 hours talking to her without i even realize it. I dont even remember what i was talking about.

Which is when i realize that maybe i have fall in love with her. I dont know what to do, i mean i never confess to anyone my entire life. Do i just say it straight away, do i write a letter, does letter even legit this day? I dont know. She seems to like me i think to myself. So there i was, trying to find the courage to say it and eventually i did. I just text to her and close my eyes, waiting for the respond. And...i got rejected. Hahaha, things didn't go my way this time maybe. She said that she likes me, but as a friend cause if the relationship goes to the next step we might changed, and she prefer how we are now. Yeah, i have got friendzoned 😂. But the things is I didn't feel bad since she still by my side.  She still greet me in ther morning like usual. We still chat and text like it never happen, but deep down that time i know, i still do fell in love with this girl...

Today which is 7 years later, she has passed away, due to an accident. I still didnt visit her grave. I dont know why. I still remember her though. She is the one that made me happy everyday during my high school time. The one that make my day at the highschool less suffering and less lonely. Someone who will always greet me in the morning and asked me if im okay. Someone who willing to talk to me the whole day, and i didnt even realize it was that long. Someone who I consider to be the first girl that i fall for. I pray to God so that she will be put in a better place.